Beberapa hari lalu, netizen dikejutkan dengan penampilan terbaru pelakon Natasha Hudson. Disebalik kegembiraaan dengan imej terbaru Natasha, ada yang menganggap perubahan beliau sangat drastik kerana terus mengenakan niqab setelah berhijrah.
Namun, apa yang ramai tidak tahu, keputusan berniqab bukanlah baru bagi Natasha. Dalam post terbaru yang dimuatnaik menerusi akaun tumblrnya, Natasha menceritakan bagaimana dirinya suatu ketika dahulu dan apa yang membuatkan dia ingin berubah. Sebak baca kisah dan kesungguhan Tasha untuk berhijrah! Semoga kisah penghijrahan Natasha Hudson ini menjadi inspirasi buat semua.
(No one to impress)
(208.O you who believe! Enter Silm perfectly, and follow not the footsteps of Shaytan (Satan). Verily, he is to you a plain enemy.) (209. Then if you slide back after the clear signs (Prophet Muhammad , and this Qur’an and Islam) have come to you, then know that Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise).
Probably so many have wondered and so many have asked. Some still a bit clueless. What has happen to me? You see life is a journey. And it’s about finding yourself. Dunya is a testing ground for us. Allah wants us to be sure. He only wants us to be happy. He gives us time and numerous chances. He is the almighty. Many probably did not know that I once wore the niqab through out my journey and during the process of my Hijrah. Unless you followed my old Instagram account some may of noticed. I took off my niqab about a year ago. After my Hijrah in 2012 and I made initiative to further my studies. So I took up a diploma and degree in Islamic Studies. Getting close to Islam it opened my eyes. I felt reborn. I started to love my religion so much I became extreme and addicted to learning. I attended every single class, course and seminar there was. I was thirsty for knowledge. I influenced people around me. Not all were drawn to the same interest but its ok everyone is on their journey. I told myself I cannot waste my time again. Life is short I must do my best. It’s for me and the people around me.
My life previously was a roller coaster. Coming from mix parentage, broken home, being the eldest, working independently in the commercial/entertainment industry, traveling the world, under the spotlight of stardom and fame, being popular, hit by my controversy due to my failed marriages at a very young age, once upon a time single mum, making loads of money from my career, partying and just simply lost in translation it just didn’t take me anywhere but build a block of emptiness in me.
Ramai yang masih tertanya-tanya apa yang terjadi kepada Tasha sehingga membuatkannya berhijrah. Tasha menjelaskan hidup adalah suatu perjalanan mencari diri sendiri. Dunia adalah cubaan kepada kita semua. Allah mahu hamba-Nya benar-benar pasti dan bahagia. Allah memberi banyak peluang kepada manusia. Ramai yang tidak tahu bahawa Tasha pernah mengenakan niqab sebelum ini semasa proses penghijrahannya, kecuali mereka yang mengikuti akaun instagramnya. Tasha membuka kembali niqabnya setahun lalu. Selepas hijrahnya pada tahun 2012, Tasha mengambil inisiatif untuk menyambung pelajaran. Dia mula mencintai agama dan menjadi ekstrim serta ketagih untuk mempelajarinya. Tasha menghadiri semua kelas, kursus dan seminar agama yang ada. Dia sangat dahagakan ilmu pengetahuan. Dia turut mempengaruhi orang di sekelilingnya. Namun, bukan semua tertarik untuk mengikuti hijrahnya. Tasha memberitahu dirinya bahawa setiap orang ada jalan hidup yang tersendiri. Dia tidak mahu membuang masa kerana hidup ini singkat dan dia harus membuat yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri dan orang di sekelilingnya.
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Hidup Tasha yang dulu terumbang-ambing. Lahir daripada perkahwinan kacukan, keluarga yang bercerai-berai, anak sulung yang terpaksa berdikari mencari wang dalam dunia hiburan dan glamour, pernah dilanda kontroversi kerana bercerai di usia muda, pernah menjadi ibu tunggal, berjaya buat banyak duit daripada kerjaya di dunia hiburan, kesemua itu tidak membawa Tasha kemana-mana kecuali kekosongan yang bersarang didalam dirinya.
I finally got married again with someone I knew since I was a teenager. It was random. We had 3 years of a relationship. Also I was still unsure. But Allah’s plans were greater. One day while still dating this great man bought me a present that no one has ever done for me. A ticket to the best place in the world. I wanted to repent and to be healed from the pain in the past. A place I have wanted so badly to go. And of course to Mecca and Madinah Al Munawarah. He went first and I went after. It was a chance to seek for Allah’s guidance. We both wanted answers. Alhamdulillah not long after I got back. A week after we go married. A simple wedding at a mosque with family and friends. We have 3 beautiful children now. He never gave up on me and lead me to the straight path. Makes so much doa for me all the time that I do not fall back into the same lifestyle. He never stops guiding and reminding. We wanted a brand new us and a family well guided.
Tasha sekali lagi berkahwin dengan seseorang yang telah dikenali sejak zaman remaja. Benda itu terjadi tanpa dirancang. Mereka menjalinkan hubungan selama 3 tahun sebelum berkahwin. Ketika itu Tasha masih lagi tidak pasti dengan keputusannya. Tapi rancangan Allah lebih besar. Suatu hari ketika masih bercinta, lelaki tersebut memberi Tasha sebuah hadiah yang tidak pernah diberi oleh sesiapa pun kepadanya sebelum ini. Tiket penerbangan ke tempat yang paling baik di dunia. Tasha mahu bertaubat dan menyembuhkan luka-luka lama dari masa silam. Tempat tersebut adalah tempat yang betul-betul ingin dikunjungi oleh Tasha, iaitu Makkah dan Madinah Al Munawarah. Lelaki tersebut pergi dahulu ke tanah suci dan kemudian Tasha menyusul. Itu merupakan peluang untuk mencari petunjuk Allah kerana kedua-dua mereka mahukan jawapan. Alhamdulillah, tidak lama selepas Tasha pulang dari tanah suci mereka berkahwin dalam satu majlis ringkas yang diadakan di masjid dan dihadiri oleh keluarga dan rakan-rakan. Mereka mempunyai 3 orang cahaya mata sekarang. Lelaki tersebut tidak pernah putus asa untuk membimbing Tasha ke jalan yang lurus. Dia sentiasa berdoa agar Tasha tidak terjatuh kembali ke cara hidupnya yang lama.
Hijrah is not that easy. I made new friends, lost friends, lost jobs. You think people around you are all Angels. You think everything is perfect. Trust me we are all sick, we are all patients and our souls need to be treated. Many test came and I had to seek for Allah’s guidance over an over again. Envy, jealousy, greed is the killer of mankind. I wanted to be away from everything toxic. But I told myself being alone sometimes is the best thing to do when seeking for knowledge and to be certain of ourself. We need to treat our own heart. Numerous times I left my chat groups to seclude myself and my friends were probably wondering what has happened now? It was hard to explain what I was going through. Mentally and physically to be a perfect Muslim it takes time. Hijrah is an everyday experience. I was surrounded by great scholars and amazing individuals who made me want to move many steps ahead. The more Ilm I seek the more I wanted to be in a nutshell away from everyone and leave Dunya completely. I felt like giving up my work and business too. I was sick and tired of beautification and attention. I was so exausted from making money and hence why one particular day I decided to wear the niqab and just kept on seeking. Kept on going.
Hijrah bukannya mudah. Tasha mendapat kawan baru, hilang kawan-kawan lama dan juga hilang kerja. Terlalu banyak ujian yang menimpa dan Tasha terpaksa mencari petunjuk Allah berulangkali. Iri hati, cemburu dan tamak adalah sifat yang membunuh manusia. Tasha mahu menjauhkan diri dari segalanya yang mencemarkan. Tapi Tasha memberitahu dirinya bahawa kadang-kadang dengan bersendirian adalah cara terbaik untuk mencari ilmu dan kepastian tentang diri kita. Kita perlu mengubati hati kita sendiri. Tasha meninggalkan group chat dan mengasingkan diri dari kawan-kawannya sehingga mereka tertanya apa yang terjadi sekarang. Ia adalah sesuatu yang sukar dijelaskan. Secara mental dan fizikalnya, ia mengambil masa untuk menjadi seorang Muslim yang sempurna. Tasha dikelilingi orang bijak pandai dan insan-insan hebat yang mahukannya maju lebih ke hadapan. Semakin banyak ilmu yang ditimba, semakin Tasha ingin mengasingkan diri dari semua orang dan meninggalkan segala hal-hal duniawi. Dia terasa mahu meninggalkan kerja dan bisnesnya. Tasha telah letih dengan kecantikan dan perhatian dari orang lain. Sehinggalah suatu hari dia mengambil keputusan untuk memakai niqab semula dan terus mencari Allah.
Yes, It shocked the world . I had to get use to it and there were limitations. It was a battle ground for me and even the closest people around me called me a wahabi and i was discriminated by some. It was funny but I didn’t care. This was for Allah and he knows what’s in my heart. That’s all that matters really. Truth be told I was sick of being known everywhere I go, the whispers of my name, the eyes and pictures taken. I wanted privacy. Our mother of believers are our best example and the revelation of the hijab (blind/curtain) and history of the niqab was what I wanted to follow. Soon later down the road. I got pregnant to my 3rd child and it was my biggest test. Going to class each day, later on I got tired and crazy hormones struck me this time. I was moody, cranky, almost a possessed stressed pregnant lady. I couldn’t handle my niqab. Little by little I was fading and I took it off. My Iman was running low. I was afraid of many things. I was unsure. I failed and I went back to normal. Just the khimar and no niqab. I was not afraid of the worlds attention anymore but you know what ? I was numb. For a year plus with the baby and kids I was really tested. I was lost. Still seeking, finding. I went back to fashion blogging. I wanted to generate income and make a living for my family. Started new business. I succeeded with my plans. It was fun while it lasted. But not totally satisfying. My Instagram and social media accounts were playing up many times. I was temperamental. Again I asked Allah what are all these signs? Please answer me. My husband said make doa, lots of them. Seek, ask and repent. I didn’t stop going to Islamic and Ilm events. I wanted answers. I opened up options to extend my knowledge. I wanted solid foundation and a better career path. I felt like teaching. I love children. The opportunity didn’t come exactly when I wanted it. I believed in timing an intention. I got sick a few times this last couple of months and it randomly hits me with not sign or warning. I would collapse. Physically and mentally effected. I felt like I lost this hijrah in me. I was clueless what was happening. I was in a sea-saw with my faith. Struggling and still climbing. I started seeking for more answers. Left it to Allah and believed in the qadr of Allah. I had to turn back to him and reach out to the sky.
Keputusan itu membawa kejutan dalam hidup Tasha. Tasha terpaksa berhadapan dengan peluang yang terhad. Ia merupakan satu medan perang buat Tasha sehingga orang-orang yang rapat dengannya turut memanggil Tasha wahabi. Tasha didiskriminasikan oleh sesetengah orang. Tasha menerima tekanan hebat, terutamanya ketika hamil. Dia kemudiannya membuka hijab tapi masih memakai khimar. Pun begitu, dia tidak henti-henti berdoa dan pergi ke majlis-majlis agama. Tasha mahukan asas yang kukuh dan bidang kerjaya yang lebih baik. Ketika itu dia rasa seperti mahu mengajar. Kepada ketentuan Allah, Tasha menyerahkan nasibnya dan sentiasa kembali kepada-Nya ketika mencari jawapan hidup.
When certain things, plans and expectation of myself did not pull through or happen it made me wonder and wonder. What am I searching for exactly? Why is this happening to me? Is Allah upset with me? I had to really be reminded by my husband,family and friends. I thank them for it. Our prophet mentioned that reminders were needed. And if you have to babble and do it a million times a day, just do it. I too had to remind me that the only person that could help me was Allah Aza Wajala. Depression and sadness fell upon me after my 3rd child and it took me time to realize what was happening. I was so exhausted and felt like I lost my strength and courage. My supermum title was collapsing. Post baby blues which never got over me. It was crazy and some days I felt like my life was over. I am not afraid to share that this as in reality it happens to mothers a lot and never have i expected this to happen to me. I never did seek for medical treatment or therapy because I was afraid of being fed with medication and it’s expensive. But I spoke about it with close trusted friends, did my research and tried to be strong. I had to remain calm, steadfast and believe in Allah SWT. And the Quran is my cure.
The last couple of months I have been so drawn to the niqab again. I’ve been reading so many other books on the niqab and the revelation, our religion, our prophets and the ones that surrounded him. I wanted to go back. Recently Nouman Ali’s seminar on the story of Aishah and the revelation of the hijab/niqab inspired me more. I was at awe. I feel so blessed I am somehow being connected to so many new friends with the niqab. Masyallah Tabarakallah they are amazing. So contained and calm. I admire them. What are all these signs? Every Surah I listen too or class I went too had a message through it. As if it was meant for me. I felt Allah calling me back, guiding me. Bits and pieces of me wear perfecting the puzzle. So I decided to take things one at a time. Less OCD. Watch live feed classes online, attend seminars again,enrolled myself back into my Islamic uni and currently and taking my sanad in Tajweed. I have been craving for quran and fixing my recitations and understanding of it for so many months. That too I had to go through a lot. From going to a super awesome trial class but was too expensive , to being offered a free class but the timing didn’t permit and finally my UNI advertised for this new class. Which is super amazing and beyond words for me. Ya Allah I can’t thank my Syrian Ustadha for being so patient with me, she inspires me a lot. She encourages, reminds and pushes us students to the limit. I am a student of knowledge and I want to be from the people of the book. And yes my kids follow me to class just like the previous years. Children need to be exposed at an early age and you need the right kind of support and scholars that understand your situation. I have felt so calm and so close to the Quran. Reciting has never been better. I take my time in everything that I do. I don’t stress about things too easily but Infact have learn to let go. I started teaching Sirah, Islamic studies, Hadith,short hafazan to children. And I do home to home for those in need of my service. I am so happy that it is all falling in place.
Beberapa bulan lalu Tasha teringin untuk memakai niqab kembali. Dia banyak membaca buku tentang niqab dan kepentingannya, tentang agama, nabi dan sahabat-sahabat baginda. Tasha dikelilingi oleh sahabat-sahabat yang berniqab. Dia juga menemui ketenangan dalam membaca Al-Quran. Tasha mula mengajar Sirah, pengajian Islam, Hadis dan hafazan ringkas kepada kanak-kanak. Dia bertandang dari rumah ke rumah untuk mencurahkan khidmatnya. Tasha semakin bahagia apabila segalanya berlaku seperti yang sepatutnya.
I randomly just felt like wearing the niqab a few days ago and Alhamdulillah by Allah’s blessing I’ve been offered a few jobs to teach children and they has been random enquiries. Like masyallah it’s all falling into place and Allah is the best planner. I felt like I was watching a movie the last 1 year and I’ve gotten all my answers.i got the chance to explore myself and get to know me better. Taking all steps one at a time. I love the choices I’m making now and I want to be a good mother,wife,sister, friend and teacher. I want to be guided constantly. I am so content. I feel so happy with the simple things in life because there is no one to impress but my creator. My daughters are supportive infact I can’t thank my eldest daughter who is 8. She was the one who said “Mummy I miss you in the niqab, I want to wear it too!” I explained it to her. I told her no one is forcing you too. Decide and let your heart speak. The best thing I can do is lead by example. Insyallah may Allah guide her and for her to complete her obligatory duties as a muslim. She said “ Welcome back mummy!“ Such beautiful words of encouragement. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah I am happy this way. Please make doa for me and I hope this story inspires women out there to take it one step at a time. To read and make effort. It doesn’t come easy. Let’s us keep on reading the Quran, gain as much knowedge, seek, repent and come back to reality. Our ummah is in need of perfection. Here are some beautiful verses I picked out. Please share if this is beneficial for you and others. There is no one to impress but only our creator! Don’t worry, be happy they say. Yes we all deserve to be happy with the choices we make. Jazakallah Khairan Khatira. Much Love ~ NH
Tasha mula memakai niqab kembali beberapa hari lalu dan dengan kasih sayang Allah, dia telah ditawarkan beberapa kerja untuk mengajar kanak-kanak serta tawaran-tawaran lain yang datang secara tiba-tiba. Tasha gembira dengan keputusan yang diambil kerana dia tidak mahu mengambil hati sesiapa kecuali penciptanya. Anak-anaknya sangat menyokong keputusan Tasha, terutamanya puteri sulungnya yang berumur 8 tahun. Tasha mengharapkan doa daripada semua orang yang membaca kisah ini, dan mengharapkan ceritanya boleh menjadi inspirasi kepada wanita-wanita diluar sana agar mengambil satu langkah pada satu masa untuk berhijrah. Di hujung kisah ini, Tasha mencoretkan potongan-potongan terjemahan dari ayat Al-Quran untuk dikongsikan kepada semua orang. Ujarnya, kita tidak perlu menggembirakan sesiapa kecuali pencipta kita.
Allah said Read :
Allah, may He be exalted, says“(It will be said to him): “Read your book. You yourself are sufficient as a reckoner against you this Day’” [al-Isra’ 17:14].
“So when you want to recite the Quran, seek refuge with Allah from Shaitan (Satan), the outcast (the cursed one)”
“And when you (Muhammad SAW) recite the Quran, We put between you and those who believe not in the Hereafter, an invisible veil (or screen their hearts, so they hear or understand it not)”
The Hijab :
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.